My Corridors

Honey

2011-08-02T01:40:00.001+01:00

where would i be
if we went separate ways
i'd be drifting entirely from every day
you are my blessing
and i know i don't show it
but that is true love, its not something you exhibit,
it's something you have in the pit of your soul
a connection in what seems a make believe world
a place to turn and know something true
honey i am so grateful for you

Diamonds In The Dirt

2009-08-03T06:18:00.002+01:00

The stillness of the night
The echo of barking dogs
The hum of automobiles
The sparkling lights, like diamonds in the dirt

Moonlight illuminates our collective unconscious
Effulgence co-mingling in the ether
Overhead, a plane navigates the mountainscape
Below we are shackled and broken in,
Liberated by confinement and flourishing within boundaries.

The others are shrouded in black
Those we do not know that we do not know
Fraying at the edges of the machine
Free but still not free.

Together we are diamonds in the dirt.
We all reflect the light, were it to shine upon us without prejudice.

Secret Garden

2009-08-02T06:31:00.000+01:00

I see you lost in that secret place
our garden where we used to play
and, I refused to stray, waiting
by those bristling roots
and the tall oak
its husks stretched out in protective grace
and there i let you go
because i loved to hear the melodies that you would sing
roaming free in the glades, striding through the flower beds,
sprinting unencumbered through the tall fields
the ballad of your blue eyes
and I was happy to just wait there for you

until it went dark
and silent
and the pulsating envelope
had been just an echo

and then i knew
i had only known you briefly, and
you did not stay long.

Maybe Today...

2008-05-28T11:49:00.005+01:00

So much time has passed
Long and weary years, with vast distances traversed
I'm here, in the place I want to be
I'm free, and yet shackled by the chains of reality
Thin, like mist dispersing in the breaking of dawn
Disconnected, hurt, and withdrawn
I've fought so hard to get this far
To be here where I belong beneath these stars
I've relied upon every ounce of strength
I've emerged from hopelessness, resilient
I've gone on, when I could go on no more
Beaten down I've picked myself up off the floor
The fruition of hard work is never immediate
But, the blessings of commitment are their own reward.

My kaleidoscope no longer flutters so colorfully
I now approach everything pragmatically
There is a sadness beneath it all
But, what matters is the world beyond these walls
Responsibilities I embrace with a determination to succeed
Struggling to reconcile my emotional needs
Motivated by a desire to accomplish great things
The charge that the fragility of our existence brings
Wanting to simply love and be loved
That particular contentment that comes from above
I am torn by my life today
And the disregard to which I pay
The somberness that I feel inside
Something that can't really be specified
But, I have fought for my job, my life, my house, and financial security
The foundations upon which I can pursue prosperity
The building blocks to my future that now exceed the struggles of my family
Taking this for granted is not possible.

Maybe today my dreams are less romantic than yesterday
Maybe today will simply be an improvement on those before
Maybe today will leave me adrift and alone,
But, maybe today I will sail closer to my shore

Maybe today with my small steps, strength, and fight, a pathway will still emerge
And the voyage of yesterday, today, and tomorrow will merge
Into something that is well beyond my darkest days
A good life, with good people, surrounded by beauty, and many possibilities.

After all, who knows... Maybe today I'll be free
In a place I really want to be
A place of practicality, perpetual hope, security, and self esteem
Built, no longer upon just my dreams.

Maybe tomorrow...

2005-10-03T20:37:00.000+01:00

So much time has passed
The weeks and months went by so fast
And I'm still here, wanting to be somewhere else
I'm still trying to gamble with these cards that I've dealt...

So I can walk underneath a different sky
One where I don't perpetually deny...
That my heart wasn't built for all my dreams
Because my dreams are less attainable than they originally seemed.

Choices flutter like a colorful kaleidoscope
And when I really open my eyes I can find plenty of cause for hope
After all, who knows... maybe tomorrow I'll be free
In a place where I really want to be.

A place of practicality, perpetual hope, security, and self esteem
Built on the most naive of dreams

It's not dark yet

2005-09-04T19:29:00.000+01:00

Stardust molecules are collapsing in the corridors of my heart
Aflame fragments perishing in the quickening dark
Not wanting to journey this inevitable decline
Not wanting to die and still be alive

Connections...

2005-09-01T04:38:00.000+01:00

Two strangers stare at each other from the opposite ends of a subway escalator, smiling in acknowledgment.

An individual starts a journal online, articulating his own depression and malaise. Within 24 hours he receives encouragement and advice from all four corners of the globe.

A young woman leans over the fence that perimeters a field of horses, smoking a cigarette and gazing upwards to the dark clouds that are beginning to engulf the sky. Bad weather is on its way. The arms of her lover emerge from behind where she stands wrapping her in an emotional warmth. She rests her head on his kneck and feels at peace with the world regardless of what lies ahead.

A group of old friends re-unite once a year in a city restaurant, catching up on each other's exploits while rekindling their fond memories from school.

Two sixteen year olds move on opposite sides of a dancefloor. Via fate, coincidence, or just the way in which they express themselves they end up facing each other, looking into each other's eyes and eventually kissing passionately. Their summer is irrevocably transformed into a blissful adventure of sunshine, drugs, clubs and house parties. It might have been so different, if only one dance step had taken them both in opposite directions.

A book club every fortnight brings together six disparate individuals to share their thoughts on literature and current events.

An older retired woman, living alone in a London Council block of flats likes nothing more than to read conservative tabloids, while getting wrapped up in the melodrama of popular Soap Opera's on TV. However by day she passionately reaches out to her community, volunteering to oversee the local tenant management organization. She listens to everyone's concerns, receving all of their phonecalls, personally making sure that the workers they employ receive their cheques on time. She fights for a youth center to pre-occupy local kids and steer them away from criminal behaviour. She negotiates Satellite TV for all of the residents... When she reaches, she does it with a concern and wisdom that makes her loved throughout her community.

Two men are walking their dogs down a narrow pathway separating the heavy forestry, enjoying the uplifting energy of the summer sunshine after a hard day's work. They stop and enjoy a pint of lager. They bitch about their respective spouses and offer competing perspectives on politics, business, and sports. They find a solace in each other's companionship that is unspoken.

A man in his late fiftees watches an African Carnival ensue outside his London flat. He hates the noise. He hates the celebration of a culture that is alien, when there is no comparable celebration of his own. He hates that for the three days the carnival lasts it takes him two hours to walk less than a mile to his house from the local train station. He hates that he can't sleep at night because there are street parties carrying on into the early hours... He hates the music, laughter, and cheers... And yet, when the Carnival is gone, deep down, he misses it terribly.

A younger man lies in bed with his wife... his fingers intertwined with hers and their hands placed together on the softness of her small stomach bulge. Together they receive an energy which brings a sense of purpose and meaning to their lives. They share imagined stories fortelling their imminent future, tucking their child into bed, reading him/her magical stories, playing games in the park, and taking holidays as a family... Together always, fighting to keep their child safe no matter the cost or effort required.

And in a remote farmhouse an old couple barely talk anymore. They go about their daily routine, cleaning, reading, gardening and shopping. They prepare a delightful dinner and eventually fall fast asleep infront of the TV. 50 years of shared experience binds them together. Their beautiful dance each day, hardly sharing a word, no matter how mundane, is all they need and all they desire. Their only fear is the prospect of losing each other. They only anticipate with dread the one inevitable day when they are no longer joined.

What are we when we are not connected?

The Weight In My Heart

2005-08-29T22:05:00.000+01:00

The dark is especially cold tonight
The streets are so desolate and quiet
The sky is empty, starless and grey
Car's are whizzing past in the swirling rain

I feel the wet grass blades underneath my feet, and the drizzle of tears that fall from above
I notice the hanging tree branches reaching out into the world, longing to hold and be held, and desperate to touch
Voices are intermingling – candlelight, faces, smiles, and warm words
A hollowness that shouldn't be disturbed
I am having a conversation with someone I am not listening to, and who isn't listening to me...
Aloneness is a ubiquitous disease

The weight in my heart is heavy and it crushes my breath
I see sadness everywhere, tonight

Empty Spaces

2005-08-23T06:07:00.000+01:00

I feel as though I'm in a large dark room
And I cannot see very far ahead
I'm sitting with old familiar faces... distant, listening, nodding...
and I am elsewhere in this otherworldly place.
I think people's spirits drift away in rooms like this, all alone, dispersing into thin air
I think they grow bitter and cold
I think their heart's shrink as they grow old.

When you break one into two, what remains is two incomplete, broken pieces
Shattered, broken pieces of glass
And without you, girl, for the time being I am but half
And in all of the empty spaces I am drawn back into our world
The remnants of your wake left in the places we broke apart

But girl,
I saw what you wrote last night
I lived your strident public display, your charming evocation informing your explicit fantasy
And I was just happy for those feelings inside you
I no longer cared whether I was responsible for them
I just saw the light break and embraced the sad sight of your wings fluttering away
From my vantage in the shade
Saying goodbye, my love, is no longer a masquerade.

Recollections

2005-08-19T02:34:00.000+01:00

Images flashing through my mind
Memories of past and present, elucidating lost time
Running around as a kid, playing football outside my estate block
A ball, friends, and gradiose dreams until ten o'clock
Carol walking into the living room telling me that Dean had died
The emotional detachment, emptiness, fear, and pride
Reading at his funeral, when the sadness emerged
Infront of that packed church the reality of his loss, and my heart finally converged
The volatility of my adolescence, spent embracing the company of others
The sight of my father and uncle, strolling down the white stone village pathways in Cyprus, rekindling their beginnings as brothers
The softness I sensed behind her tears on the phone
The beautiful depravity we evoked, our own nightmarish world
"Ocean Greyness" in the art gallery at the Venetian Hotel
Those five days in Vegas when my delusions were dispelled
Her intricate beauty, her depth, her charm, and her grace
Her specialness is something that I shall never replace
The long, vast road that lies ahead
All of the possibilities, all of the dread
Bound by shackles I rarely notice are there
Of this I must always remain aware
The residual hurt will dissolve through time
And all that will remain are her recollections and mine...

Masquerade

2005-08-18T06:38:00.000+01:00

I've acquired this bad habit of saying goodbye
And yet what lives on in my heart never withers nor dies
The guilt and the sadness... it plagues me inside
The memories of all those I've left behind

My masquerade is the utterance of the word goodbye

Overcast

2005-08-12T06:59:00.000+01:00

Solemnity forsaken by the blossoming gloom
The masquerade finally fades
Sunlight recedes into the black edges of the sky
Time erodes our memories in the midst of the night
Everything pales by comparison
All that is left is a vague sensation
Of the way we held each other's hand through the overcast azure...
The way feeling you by my side was the most potent cure

How I let you down, How I walked away
How I didn't retain the strength to continue on through the pain
And be your well, your resource, your core, and your rock
To be everything you deserve, regardless, no matter what
All I want is for us to spend today
Hiding in the places where our oneness lay
Walking along streets in our make believe world
...someplace where our bullshit could never unfurl

Where none of the past would dilute our exchanges
And none of our sad memories would ever re-surface
All I want is for us to be free
And yet all I want is for I to be we
All I want is to be by your side
Your soul mate and dastardly partner in crime
Holding each other's hand through the overcast azure...
Being your boy, my love, is the best fucking cure

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